Hong Kong’s 6 most annoying habits

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The phone’s there but no one’s talking.

I mean seriously, great town and all, but can you just. Please. Stop. Doing. This. Annoying. Shit.

1. Taxi drivers refuse to yield
The great Toyota Crown, a taxi for taxi lovers everywhere, big, noticeably red, clean, smooth rides. No fiddling with the meter in this city, no sir. You want to go over the river, under the river, across the shopping districts, through the parks? No problem. You want a bag to puke into after a late-night drinking binge? No problem.
But if other cars so much as even hint at moving into a taxi’s lane, these goodwill transporters transform into blinkered automatons, set on being the car in front whenever possible.
Just let the guy cut in won’t you?

2. The sslloooooowww waaaalllkk
It’s a city on speed we’re told, a commercial and financial capital, buzzing 25 hours a day with adrenaline-fuelled mega deals and cocaine-fuelled mega parties. The slowest speed is “rapid” and the dullest night is Facebook-worthy.
Until you have to walk somewhere.
Hongkongers are the world’s worst text-and-walkers. If you can’t multitask, just don’t. I’ve got places to go, people to brown nose. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.

3. British expats
British expats are like a huge big dose of methadone to Hong Kong. The city has weaned itself off the heroin that was British rule by drip-feeding into its veins loud, drunken, pinstripe-suited British wbankers ever since. Its arteries are now clogged with these belching, heavy-breathing pseudo gents, gawking at teenage girls in denim shorts.
They are arguably Hong Kong’s worst habit.

4. Food obsession
For fuck’s sake it’s only food! In 24 hours you’ll be squeezing it out of your ass and flushing it into the harbor.

5. Holding phone but not talking
Hong Kong girls pretend to be talking on the phone as they walk. WTF? Controversial, because I’m guessing, but I’ve seen too many girls walking down the street holding a phone to their ear without talking for this not to be true. I mean, we all use phones as props occasionally. Scroll through our contacts, read old messages. But this is bizarre, and kind of sad.

6. Not being Chinese
Hey guess what – you ARE Chinese. Pretending to be some kind of transcendent, morally, ethically, behaviorally superior being only highlights what a toss-arse you are. More than likely your parents moved here from China, if not them your grandparents. Yeh sure, you may not be a “mainlander” now, but your roots are there.
Nowhere else in the world would people be so quick to reject their heritage and that’s for a reason – they’re not stupid. Stop being a snob.

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